The Schrute Chronicles
by hennyb
Summary: This mocku-mockumentary follows the everyday lives of the Dunder Mifflin employees through a zombie apocalypse with inside perspective from Dwight Schrute.


_March 3, 2006  
_ _9:15 am_

 _Jim Halpert has put my stapler in jello-o again. I've already reported his offense to Toby, though considering how useless he is, I may have to take matters into my own hands._

"What are you writing there, Dwight?" Jim asks without looking away from his computer.

Dwight looks up from his journal and says sternly, "None of your business, Jim." He then turns his body hiding his journal from view.

 _-Note to self: Start carrying dummy journal. Jim is too curious._

As Michael strolls out of his office, Dwight slams his hand on the desk and demands scornfully, "Admit it, Jim! You put my stapler in Jell-O again."

"Dwight! Dwight, Dwight. You can't keep accusing Jim without proof," Michael says, "And if anybody, it was Toby…the spawn of Satan!" Michael says with a snort, looking around the room with hopes someone will laugh.

"That's not nice, Michael." Toby mumbles.

Michael whips himself around as he exclaims, "Dammit, Toby! Where did you even come from?!"

Toby begins to respond, "I was just getting cof-"

Stanley, aggravated, interrupts. "Will you all keep it down?! I'm on the phone."

Phyllis pipes in quietly, "Michael, we all have a lot of work to do…"

"Insubordination!" Dwight screams, "That's insubordination!"

Michael jumps in, "Dwight, enough. Okay?"

"But that's insubordination!" Dwight retorts.

"Mm, that's insubordination" Jim says pointing his pencil at Dwight smugly.

"You can't even spell insubordination" Dwight fires back.

"I-N-Z… yup you got me there" Jim says sarcastically,

"Michael, it's time!" Pam yells from her desk. Michael turns his head confused. Pam sighs, "You gave me this list and told me to tell you, 'it's time' at these specific times"

"Ah, thank you Pamela!" Michael says giving a half bow letting a smirk creep onto his face. "I am going to be doing 25 pushups at random times…to confuse… my muscles" He says as he drops onto the floor and starts to do pushups. After a couple, Michael is clearly struggling.

Jim smirks and says, "That looks so hard… I bet you could go all night."

"That's what she said!" Michael exclaims jumping up with a giant childlike grin on his face.

"Oh yea" Kevin says as he stuffs another handful of m&m's into his mouth.

"Disgusting!" Angela says as she passes by, going back to her desk.

"That's inappropriate Michael" Oscar states from the copier.

"Okay! Meeting in the conference room. Five minutes everyone," Michael shouts, causing everyone to sigh.

 _9:27 am_

 _Michael is holding the second conference room meeting, today. These are so pointless… When I become the boss, conference room meetings will be limited if not nonexistent. But, until then, as Michaels number two, I have to deal with it._

"Conference room meeting, everyone!" Dwight shouts, "Let's go!"

Reluctantly, everyone starts walking into the conference room.

"Pam," Michael whispers, "I need to talk to you. Dwight, you too."

 _9:45 am_

 _It's been 15 minutes and Michael still has everyone waiting in the conference room. He told me to stall them until he gets back. I should've asked where he was headed and what route he planned on taking just in case the apocalypse starts while he's away._

"Okay," Jim says as he stands up, "I have work to do."

Dwight jumps up and blocks the door, "No! Michael called this meeting. You sit down and wait until you're dismissed!"

Jim scratches his head, sighing loudly and, as he turns around to go sit back down, Stanley gets up and says, "Enough is enough. I _actually_ have work to do."

"You can work as soon as Michael gets back and says you can." Dwight says still blocking the doorway.

"Michaels not even here?" Stanley fumes, "Move or I'll move you. Do you have a problem with that?" Stanley says menacingly. Dwight moves out of the way and lets Stanley through.

"Where's Michael, Dwight?" Oscar asks.

"That's none of your business. All you need to know is that what you need to be doing is sitting and waiting." He retorts.

"Well, if Michael's not here then we don't have to wait here and you can't make anyone wait because you're not the boss, Dwight." Kelly says, "I have a bathing suit waiting for me to finish checking out."

"Ugh, go back to the annex. No one wants you here anyways, Kapor." Dwight scowls. As everyone gets up, Dwight lets Kelly leave and before he can block the door again everyone starts to push their way out.

"Those of you who respect Michael will sit back down and wait!" Dwight exclaims, "I am the Assistant Regional Manager"

"Assistant **_to_** the Regional Manager." Jim retorts as he walks out.

 _9:51 am_

 _Michael should fire everyone in this office. I've called him to report everyone's insubordination directly to him but he didn't answer. I might as well call some clients while I'm waiting._

Dwight walks out of the conference room and sits down at his desk, picking up his phone.

"I knew you didn't respect Michael…" Jim mumbles

Dwight slowly hangs up the phone, gets up, walks back into the conference room, and closes the door.

 _10:05 am_

 _Jim Angela  
_ _Toby Michael  
Kelly Kevin  
_ _Meredith  
_ _Oscar  
_ _Stanley  
_ _Phyllis  
_ _Creed  
_ _Pam_

"Hey, remember when Michael said, 'that's what she said.'?" Kevin chuckles from the copier.

"Yup that was pretty funny, Kev." Jim says as he walks by. "Hey Oscar, can you sign these expense reports?"

"Yeah, sure." Oscar says taking the forms. He signs them and hands them back quickly. Angela leans over her desk and whispers to Oscar.

"What's uh, what's going on?" Jim pries.

"You see Meredith?" Oscar says in a hushed voice. "She looks like death. I think something is very wrong."

Angela retorts, "This is just God's way of punishing terrible people. She probably picked up another STD."

Jim looks over then loses interest. He turns around and walks back to his desk.

11:50 am

I've been sitting in the conference room for two hours. Where is Michael? And where is Pam? She's supposed to be the responsible one and I've been calling them both all day. No answer.

Jim glances at the receptions desk then looks at the cameraman and says, "I really wish Pam were here…You know, she hasn't texted me back all morning. Brian, you have any idea where they're at?"

 **CAMERAMAN:** Uh, sorry Jim. You know we're only here to observe. But hey, if you hear anything, let us know. We haven't heard from the other crew all morning, either.

Jim nods and goes back to work.

 _11:58 am_

 _Well it's about to be noon. I wish I could stay here and wait for Michael to return but I have a standing appointment with Monkey._

As Dwight walks out of the conference room, Kelly shrieks from the kitchen. Everyone turns their heads while Dwight, Oscar, and Jim rush over. They find Kelly laying on the ground sobbing.

"Kelly, are you okay?" Oscar asks kneeling down, "What happened?"

"M-Meredith…she bit me…" Kelly breaks back into tears.

Jim looks back into the office and asks, "Phyllis, can you come check in the bathroom and see what's going on with Meredith?"

He then turns back around and asks in a frustrated tone, "Dwight, where are you going?"

"If what I know is happening is what I think is happening, we'll need every weapon I have hidden in the office." Dwight says sternly. As Phyllis goes into the women's bathroom, Dwight peeks into the men's room.

"What?! What are you talking about?" Jim asks exasperated as Dwight disappears.

"It's the zombie apocalypse, Jim." Kelly says emotionless from the ground before closing her eyes and going limp.

Jim looks at the cameraman shocked then looks at Oscar who's holding Kelly.

"Oh my god…Jim. I think she's dead." Oscar says trembling. He looks up at Jim as tears start welling up in his eyes.

All of a sudden Kelly's eyes open and she grabs Oscar by the back of his head, pulling him closer. Oscar screams as Kelly rips into his throat. Jim stands frozen in fear as Dwight rolls out the bathroom and shoots a blow dart that pierces through Oscars skull and into Kelly's, leaving them both lifeless in the middle of the kitchen.

By this time Stanley has made his way over and is also standing frozen in fear next to Jim. As Dwight jumps onto the kitchen table and starts pulling a katana from the ceiling, Phyllis is heard screaming from the women's bathroom.

"Phyllis…" Stanley says breaking from the spot he was frozen. He pushes past Jim and yells, "Dwight!" extending his hand. Dwight tosses the katana and Stanley snatches it out of the air as he busts through the bathroom door to find Phyllis on the floor holding her bleeding chest and hyperventilating. Meredith is standing above Phyllis, looking menacingly at Stanley. He growls, "That was the only person in this office I didn't despise." Meredith lunges forward at Stanley who steps back and swings the katana as hard as he can, slicing her head off. Stanley leans against the door frame looking down at Phyllis who's fading fast.

"Kill me…please kill me, Stanley…" Phyllis groans between short breaths.

Stanley sniffles and wipes his eyes before putting the tip of the blade between Phyllis' eyes.

"Thank you… Stanley." Phyllis groans with a smile, "Do it."

 _12:13 pm_

 _It's finally happening. The zombie apocalypse is happening. I'm sure I'm the only one prepared for this. I had to take out Oscar. Kelly who had already turned, bit him. Stanley looks like he may be an asset. He beheaded Meredith and took out Phyllis before she turned. Jim is still standing in the doorway like an idiot. I'll need him to snap out of it before we head out. I'll need all the help I can get if I'm going to make it to the farm._

 _Jim Angela  
_ _Kelly(X) Phyllis(X)  
_ _Toby Kevin  
Meredith(X) Michael  
Oscar (X) Creed  
_ _Stanley Pam_

"Hey you guys!" Kevin croaks from his desk.

Dwight and Jim look over to see Angela hiding behind Kevin, pointing toward the supply room. They turn their heads to the right to see Toby frothing at the mouth and a buck knife sticking out of his neck.

Creed appears out of nowhere from behind them and says, "That guy is crazy…" causing Dwight and Jim to flinch and jump back from the kitchen door

"Did Toby bite you anywhere?" Dwight demands.

Creed turns to Toby with a grin and says, "Probably, but that's the beauty of it." He then pulls the knife out of Toby's neck and stabs him in the eye socket, twisting and grinding the blade. Toby's lifeless body falls to the floor and Creed stands there wiping the bloody knife off on his pants. He turns around and holds out the knife for Dwight to take, revealing a bite on his forearm.

With a tilted smile on his face, Creed says, "It all seems so very arbitrary. I applied for a job at this company because they were hiring. I took a desk at the back because it was empty… No matter how you get there or where you end up, make that place home. Let's do this."

Dwight looks down at the knife in his hand then puts it through the side of Creeds head with all his might.

"This is so cool." Kevin remarks as Jim's cellphone rings.

"Shut up, Kevin." Dwight growls, "Jim, answer it. Who is it?"

"Pam?" Jim asks in disbelief.

 _12:28 pm_

 _Michael and Pam are still alive. I guess somehow they ended up trapped in a gas station restroom. Angela may be useless but we'll need her for reproduction purposes. Stanley's proven himself, Jim just finally broke out of his stupid stupor. Kevin may only be useful for a distraction or maybe a human shield for Angela_

 _Kelly(X) Angela  
_ _Toby(X) Stanley  
_ _Meredith(X) Kevin  
_ _Oscar(X) Jim  
_ _Phyllis(X) Michael  
_ _Creed(X) Pam_

"I'm going to go find Michael." Dwight announces.

"And Pam." Jim adds, putting his hand on Dwight's shoulder.

Dwight nods to Jim and looks back at everyone else. "Take Meredith's van and get to the Schrute farm. We'll be there as soon as we find Michael."

"And Pam." Jim says.

Dwight rolls his eyes then takes Angela by the shoulders and says in a whisper, "When you get to the farm, tell Mos - **Töten alle, die versuchen zu beißen** \- he'll protect you."

Angela sniffles, "Find Sprinkles."

"Be safe, Monkey."


End file.
